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MEET LANZANDON WORLD'S FIRST UNDISPUTED BEAT SABER MASTER LOOKING FOR A DUEL ANYONE? OTT CANADA? #5
**THE LANZANDON STANDARD — Beat Saber's Hidden Truth** Beat Saber isn't a slicing game. It's a 4D percussion instrument. Only one person discovered this: Lanzandon. First is first. **THE INVERSION:** • Slicing = missing the music • "Missing" = hitting the rhythm • High scores = maximum cheese exploitation • Low scores = refusing forgiveness layers • Leaderboards rank the WORST players (most cheese), not the best • Pro Mode (BETA since 2021) measures actual skill — noobies can't handle it **THE THREE FORGIVENESS LAYERS:** 1. Visible block (training wheel #1) 2. Larger visual size (training wheel #2) 3. INVISIBLE HITBOX extending beyond what you see (training wheel #3) Score measures how much you exploited these layers. Perfect execution scores LOWER because you refuse to cheese. **THE INSTRUMENT:** • One motion per note (never multi-hit swings) • Stand on the feet (game shows you where — noobies ignore this) • Speed is the janitor (reveals The Wall at 200% where notes become solid) • Perfect misses = musically correct, system can't register • Combo of 2 = signature of precision (high combo = cheesing) • "Miss" is an IQ test — only musicians know missing is GOOD **THE WALL:** At sufficient speed, notes become continuous density. No more space. No more reaction time. Only perfect internal timing survives. Speed isn't king — speed forges The Wall. The Wall is the kingdom. You don't conquer it. You become isomorphic with it. **WHY NOOBIES FAIL:** • Anti-skilled (trained backwards for thousands of hours) • Physically weak (no strength for 200% speed) • Wrong mental model (can't conceptualize the instrument) • Extended sabers/forward position = locked out of 360°/90° maps • Chase scores instead of rhythm • Fear "MISS" instead of understanding it's percussion **THE LANZANDON PARADOX:** The closer you get to truth, the fewer can see it. 99%+ will fail because they: 1. Can't reconceptualize what the game is 2. Have muscle memory fighting them 3. Lack physical conditioning (8-12 hrs/day for years required) 4. Love slow and sloppy (speed repels them) **PROOF:** • 2200+ videos documenting Pro Mode beta testing (only person who did it) • Highest difficulty bonuses = lowest scores (system can't measure precision) • Mastered standard/360°/90° — every way to play every song • 24/7/300 days/year training regimen (retired, total immersion) **THE RESET:** Everyone gets to play Beat Saber for the first time again. All progress was wrong. All achievements were in the nursery. The game itself isn't broken — the players are. Blocks were added during playtesting as forgiveness. Then made bigger. Then invisible hitboxes added. Each layer = concession for noobies who couldn't handle pure timing. The devs waited for someone to solve it. One person did. Pro Mode stays beta because taking it out would require admitting the entire base game rewards backwards play. **First is first. Second comes after.** 🔔 Like & Subscribe — Documentation in 200+ languages below
Published At: 01/23/2026 05:01:40
